I'm not a movie critic, nor do I want to be. But there are a few things that I just gotta get off of my chest about The Age of Ultron.
SPOILERS: I'm writing about a movie. I will be talking about characters, possibly aspects of the story. I won't however give away anything that'll make someone that hasn't seen the movie upset because I've spoiled the surprise. Honestly, if you are surprised by anything in a Marvel movie, I have a bridge that I'd like to sell you. Anyway, you've been warned; proceed at your own peril.
Without further ado, my Age of Ultron stream of consciousness for your reading pleasure
It all starts with the Avengers attacking a HYDRA castle. There's an immediate cutshot to Thor, kicking HYDRA ass. Except actually, its quite obvious he's kicking nothing at all. One particular kick misses the soldier by a good six inches; Chris Hemsworth looks like he's trying out for the Rockettes rather than hanging out and being the Son of Odin. Everyone rips on the cheesiness of the old Adam West Batman show and movies- the BAMS! and POWS!. Here's the deal: back in the 60's, CGI was but a dream. I strongly suspect that somewhere out there are green screen prints of the Avengers that are equally comical- grown men and women in costumes punching and kicking air. Whedon just leaves out the campy sound effects and substitutes some (at times) terrible CGI. And he doles out a lot of it. More and more I am having trouble deciding if I am watching actors or a computer simulation, and as time goes on that line continues to blur.
My wife had her best nap of the year, right there in the theater. Woke up, realized they were still at the party, and poof! out like a light again for another 20 minutes.
When Hawkeye, Quicksilver, and the Scarlet Witch are the best characters in your movie, something has gone wrong. That's right, you heard me. Hawkeye. When as a character your wife looks you in the eye and questions whether you are really a superhero, it's time to hang up the tights and finally refinish the floor in the backroom, man. Of course he doesn't, just keeps plucking arrows from his magically regenerating quiver and shooting them at everything that moves, while getting some of the best lines of the movie in at his own expense. "This city is flying. I have a bow and arrow. None of this makes sense." Well said, Hawkeye, well said. About the only thing that could have been done with that character was to make him self deprecating, which Renner pulls off nicely. Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch bring some much needed aggression to the movie; in particular its nice to see a female character kick some ass for a change. Their back story isn't given a whole lot of attention, but that's OK- the movie helpfully summarizes their characters by stating, "He's fast. She's weird." That summary notwithstanding, they fit into the plot well, are relatively drama free, and fight like the world is about to end with little apprehension and annoying banter.
When you have to add characters to an ensemble cast, something is equally wrong. Half of the reason that this movie is as long as it is is there's too many characters, each of which has to have their own personal conflict, climax, and conclusion, all contained in a single movie. Every one of them has to have their moment, in several cases, two or three moments.
Except for Tony Stark. He learns nothing.
In a movie that basically is about impossible people doing impossible things in impossible ways to solve impossible problems, The Hulk flying an airplane was nonetheless laughable. All I kept thinking of was the cover of the Aces High single by Iron Maiden.
Liberally speaking, Ultron existed for 6 months, maybe a year, max. That's assuming that they hang out at Hawkeye's crib for like a month, Tony Stark takes a boat to Oslo instead of a plane, and every other trip made takes at least a week to accomplish. My point is that the Age of Ultron was actually pretty damn short, hardly an age. Even had his nefarious ploy ultimately been successful, his Age would have been remarkably brief. I get it, the Moment of Ultron or the Summer of Ultron or the Football Season of Ultron just don't, you know, sing as titles. What I think actually they're referring to is the length of the movie. Its LOOOOONGGG man! I felt like I'd aged a couple of years by the time I walked out of there.
This feel like a movie that I'll watch a couple of years from now and probably enjoy more than I did the first time I saw it, much like The Watchmen. It'll never achieve cult status of course, but it will have a lasting appeal. Yet I suspect the movie market may finally be becoming saturated with Super Heroes. That said, when I find myself thinking, "oh hey, Ant Man doesn't look too bad, actually", I know that they have their hooks in me as well and in 2018 when the next Avengers installment comes out I'll be nagging the wife to go see it once again.
BONUS ROUND TIME:
If you're still reading, you might like this:
Have you ever read a commentary that misses the point more thoroughly than this one?
http://blogs.citypages.com/dressingroom/2015/04/why_avengers_age_of_ultron_fills_this_buffy_fan_with_despair.php
Some will undoubtedly quip that yes, they have read such commentary; indeed they are reading it right now. To which I can only respond with a muted, quiet you.
I'll spare you the effort of reading the article if you don't want to. Here's what it boils down to. Joss Whedon created Buffy The Vampire Slayer. The writer of this blog really liked Buffy The Vampire Slayer. The Age of Ultron is nothing like Buffy The Vampire Slayer. The writer is sad.
No comments:
Post a Comment