On a day in the life...

Today, I bring you a story of contrasts and of the adaptation of the human spirit.

A day in my life in my new house:

I tried to tell my washing machine how much stuff I was putting into it so it knew how much water to use.  The washer said, "Dude. don't worry about it.  I got this" and proceeded to wash my clothes.

My dryer told me that it would take 34 minutes to dry my clothes, including my jeans and announced when the 34 minutes had passed and my clothes were ready.  They were, too, including my jeans.

I wanted to bake a pizza and my oven told me, "Hang on a sec, I'm not hot enough yet, See this timer? I'll holler at you when I'm ready to bake".

I walked over to my TV and told it that I wanted to watch Sexy Cheerleaders of the Big 10  ESPN and it promptly changed the channel for me, opting for the HD channel because it knew that that was what I'd prefer.

I went to plug something into an electrical outlet, and the male prongs matched the female holes precisely, both in quantity and in shape.

I had to take a leak and my wife was curling her hair in the bathroom.  I went to another bathroom in my house to take care of business.

I asked Siri for directions to Rib City and she took me to My Music and started playing the The Police's Synchronicity.

Most of the time, I'm like:

And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile

And you may find yourself in a beautiful house

With a beautiful wife

And you may ask yourself- well...How did I get here?

-Talking Heads, Once In A Lifetime

A day in my life in my old house:

I'd toss my clothes in the dryer, which was new probably when Eisenhower was President, check the duct tape that held the door closed to make sure it was still sticky, set if for 60 minutes, wait an hour, and run it again for 60 minutes.  Assuming it made it through both cycles without the door popping open, I'd have dry jeans in just over two hours.

I'd go and throw in a pizza. I'd check the box for the temperature, then look at the temp knob for the oven, which was so old the degrees had worn off of it, for the scribe marks that we etched into it at 350 and 400 degrees and then just kind of guess from there where to set it.

I'd go searching for naked cheerleaders football games that were on at that time.  I'd go to the guide, scroll through until I found what I wanted, then look for the corresponding HD channel which was always hundreds of channels higher.

I'd look to plug something in.  First, I'd have to go downstairs and find a plug adapter, then find a screwdriver.  I'd attach the adapter to the wall outlet and plug whatever I was trying to power into that.  The adapter would stick a good 1/2 inch away from the wall, plus whatever I actually wanted to plug in, making it impossible to get anything close to the wall.

I'd drink a six pack and need to hit the head.  Badly.  Urgently.  Desperately dancing in the hallway. Red alert time, gang.  If my wife was in the bathroom, I had two choices.  If it was daylight, it was down to the basement to use the mop sink.  At night, time to go out back and mark a tree.

Then there was Siri, who I vividly recall asking for directions to The Tea House about a week before I left Minnesota and was given an address of a location in China.  OK, so she's sill useless.

Most of the time I was like:

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack

And you may find yourself in another part of the world

-Talking Heads, Once In A Lifetime

OK, that is a bit of an exaggeration, but moving has been like coming out of the freaking dark ages, or transitioning from a cabin in the woods.

I really really don't see the resemblance.

Nothing in my new house is state of the art, or cutting edge.  I'd guess that the appliances are about 5 years old.  But my last house was built in the 40's and my house before that one in like 1905. I haven't had a dishwasher or garbage disposal in five years or so.

Thinking about it, I guess that we can adapt to anything. There were times I didn't feel like washing the dishes by hand, and that dryer door popping open all the time really pissed me off,  but in the grand scheme of things it wasn't really that big of a deal. Now though, the mere thought of either just feels like a big old Nope.

It will be very nice to have to adapt to something that was created in this century this time around!