On Marital Bliss

Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah

Spice Girls, Wannabe

Yeah, I just dropped some Spice Girls on you.  Enjoy the earworm.

I'm going to tell you a secret.  It's just too good to not share, too valuable to be wasted only on me, too wondrous in its simplicity, majestic in it's effectiveness, and awe inspiring in its potential.

It will also be no good once I share it.  This is my dilemma today, and indeed, for the last several years. In the end however, if I can change just ONE life, even for just ONE fleeting moment with my secret, then it will all be worth it.

Have you ever had the following conversation with your spouse, sibling, significant other, child, or cubemate?

"What do you want to eat?"
"I don't know, what do you what to eat?"
"Chinese"
"No, not Chinese"
"Well, what then?  BBQ?"
"I had BBQ for lunch"
"Are you even hungry?"
"I'm starving"
"Well, what do you want to eat then?"
"I don't know, what do you want to eat?"
"Burgers"
"Ehhhhh"

It goes on like this for an eternity.  As time goes on, the hunger grows, and cognitive reasoning dwindles.  Sharp tongues are brandished like glistening steel, stabbing to the very core of the soul.

It is quite simply maddening.

Let's say though that through no small amount of perseverance, skill, and let's face it, luck, you are able to narrow it down to two choices.  This may be one choice from each of you or (more likely) two choices that your significant other can live with.  You're so close, but how can you cross the finish line?

By flipping a coin.

I know, I know, nothing magical about that, but hear me out for a minute.  I recommend that you use an app as your coin flipper; the aptly named Coin Flip is my choice for my iPhone.  Here are the steps to follow:

1.  Decide sides- heads we do George and the Dragon, tails we do El Jardin
2.  Flip the coin
3.  Look down at the coin, look up and ask your significant other what they think it came up as
4.  Listen to response
5.  Enthusiastically exclaim, "yep, you nailed it!  Let's go!"
6.  Eat your meal in marital bliss, as kindred spirits, or happy coworkers as the case may be.

That's all there is to it.  They're happy, you're happy (or at least less angry) and your belly is full. This works in other situations as well- Tennis, or a Movie?  Caddyshack or Mad Max: Fury Road?  Ocean Foam or Ocean Wave blue for the living room wall?   Carpet or Wood Flooring?

Coin Flip, it may one day save your life

The trick is to never let them see the coin, as it really doesn't matter what it comes up as.  What matters is that they believe that it came up the way they guess that it did.  My wife thought she was the luckiest person in the world when it came to guessing the outcome of a coin flip for probably three months before she finally clued into the fact that maybe something was amiss.  If I had to do it all over again, I'd throw in some random wrong guesses; had I done that I'd probably to this day still know what it is she really wants given two choices.

This started out innocently enough; we really were down to two restaurants and flipped a coin.  I did ask her what she thought it came up as, but it wasn't until I saw the hope and excitement on her face when she said Heads that I decided to just agree with her guess and ignore what the app said (in truth, I don't even remember if that first flip was Heads or Tails).

I knew I was on to something special right from the beginning, but it wasn't until I explained it to my father in law and saw the light go on for him as he realized the brilliance of what I'd done that I began to realize just how special it really was.

I have engaged in selective sharing ever since.  My best result was with a newlywed buddy of mine, we'll call him Dynamite to protect the innocent.  When I explained it to him, he looked at me like I was some sort of God.  He came back a few weeks later, excited to share his experience.

"My Mom and Dad had the kid for the day and we were trying to decide what to do.  We weren't getting anywhere, but we finally got it down to tennis or a movie.  I flipped the coin, asked her what it came up as, and before I knew it we were playing tennis."

I've been accused of being manipulative with this little trick.  Maybe.  But if the end result is happiness, and giving someone what they want then how bad can it really be?

On that note, I'll leave you with one final thought.  If you choose to try this method, (and really, why wouldn't you at least give it a shot?) make sure you pay attention to the results.  For Dynamite, if every time a choice comes down to tennis or something else and tennis wins, at some point he ought to just know to suggest tennis right up front and avoid the whole hassle.  For me, I never ever suggest Chinese any more, and if she does I jump right on it because I know that its actually what she wants (what she really really wants).

And in the end that's the whole point.