On Being Gobsmacked

We welcome 2017 by getting a few things off of my chest.

To the guy in King Soopers browsing the clearance Broncos gear that commented to me unbidden, "the way they played this year this should all be free" and who gave me a nasty look when I refused to acknowledge him other than by grunting, I offer you the following:

• Since 1984, the only professional sports team that has a better record than the Broncos are the San Antonio Spurs.  In that time frame the Broncos have had 5 losing seasons and 7 Super Bowl appearances.
• We are the only team in the NFL to have won at least 90 games in each of the last three decades and have sold out every home game since 1970.
• In a division with two 12 win teams, we still had a winning record
• It wouldn't be the Broncos giving away their swag, it would be King Soopers.  How are they to blame for whatever slight you feel against the Broncos?
• If you really felt that way, why'd you spend 5 minutes browsing through the aisle?

It is both a blessing and a curse to be a Broncos fan.  We are blessed with one of the best franchises in all of sports, and we are cursed by continued excellence that shields us from the reality that most other teams face.  In the throes of the aftermath of an "off" year, I can only council patience and perspective to everyone- the fans, the wags, and the franchise.

With a nod to the Common Man Dan Cole, here are the most preposterous statements I can think of to type right now:

• ""The Broncos should totally go after <Adrian Peterson> <Tony Romo> <Both>"
• "You know, Josh McDaniels has really matured over the last few years, maybe he wouldn't be the worst choice."
• "Sarah Palin called upon President Elect Trump to leave the UN."
• "My dog just burped the alphabet"
• "I miss listening to the Common Man Progrum sometimes"

Best conversation overheard in a bar in 2016- "The bitch stole my pants.  I went to prom with two guys and one of them had chick that liked him and so she broke into his house the day after prom while I was away at DI finals and stole my pants.  Didn't steal anything else, just my pants."

"So two years later I threw a raging party at her house and the place got trashed.  And the next day I was like, 'bitch, this is for stealing my pants'."

As overheard in a bar at a Mexican restaurant on a Friday evening.  The girl telling the story was in her mid-20's, her companions were a male and female in their mid-30's.  All three were school teachers.

Most disturbing conversation overhead in a bar in 2016-  "I keep a bag of lime and a shovel in the back of my truck to fuck with the cops when they pull me over."  "Do you get pulled over a lot?" "Oh, all the time man."

As overheard in a bar on Veteran's Day.  The man telling the story was a vet, his audience two guys that were being good dudes and buying the storyteller a drink, likely after he'd had a few too many.

You have one job to do, greeters at restaurants. "How can I help you" or "what can I do for you" are not appropriate greetings when I walk into your restaurant.  How do you expect me to respond?  "Oh, I'm here about the 2010 Chevy Tahoe you have listed online" or, "I'd like a lap dance, please"?  An empty silent stare preceded by a "hi"  is more than a little off putting as well.  We're not playing poker here, dude.  The first one to speak doesn't have to buy the next round.  This is simple.  "Hi, two today?"  or if you're more formal, "Good evening, do you have a reservation with us?" is all you need to say.  It has worked for years; no need to change something that ain't broke, please.